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Saturday, April 17th, 2004
2:00 pm
desperate times cause for desperate measures. but how desperate should those measures be? as desperate as the times, or desperate, but not equally desperate because that could be devastating. But then it would be like devastating times cause for devastating measures, so it would turn into a big pile of devastation rather than a solution. This kind of applies to physics, ya know? every action has an equal and opposite reaction. ughh....there are arguments for every solution. i give up

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Friday, January 9th, 2004
6:02 pm
I'm wondering if I made a bad decision. I think I was cruel to her, but what choice did I have? What else can I say...The truth hurts.

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Friday, June 14th, 2002
5:07 pm

What Drink Are You?
What Drink Are You?

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Sunday, May 26th, 2002
6:19 pm
i'm punished! this sucks... i am gonna be punished for a LONG time, and i cant even talk on the phone. i am SOOOOO bored! all i have to do is eat, which makes me feel very fat. i gotta try to get unpunished. dont know if thats even possible. whatever.

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Wednesday, May 15th, 2002
9:43 pm
niki jus helped me do spanish hmwk. i cant thank her enough! last night was crazy fun! and so was tonight. me and niki bought a barbie doll and slit its throat and cut off its arms and legs. then we drew all over it w/ black and gave her wounds and scars, then we cut off almost all of her hair and we made a noose. we filmed the whole thing, and its pretty neat.

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Monday, May 13th, 2002
3:58 pm
late at night when all the world is sleeping,
i stay up and think of you

-selena

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Thursday, May 9th, 2002
9:42 pm
i had a wonderful night!!! I feel more loved than I ever have in my life. I feel like I found the missing part of myself. someone who can reach me. ill say more about this later.

current mood: loved

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Tuesday, May 7th, 2002
6:52 pm
i dont't know what to say, so i havent updated in awhile. My life is very very eventful now, which is a big change from sitting home alone secluding myself and being sad. this weekend is gonna be fun. me, rachel, and niki are sleepn at niki's house and we're gonna have FUN!! i jus got back from the mall and niki's house w/ rachel, niki, and tim. it was fun. niki was videotaping me and rachel and it was pretty funny. my weekends have been so amazing. i g2g now

current mood: loved

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Friday, May 3rd, 2002
1:10 am
it sucks not bein able to go to bed. my body is soo tired.

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Thursday, April 25th, 2002
3:32 pm
tim n rachel came w/ me to tcby yesterday. it took us FOREVER to find it, and we went to mcdonalds and brandy's house. it was SOOO much fun. there are really really fun to hang out with. i wanna start goin out w/ them more. im feeln really happy right now, even though i had a rough morning.

current mood: nostalgic

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Tuesday, April 23rd, 2002
6:15 pm
I wish my mom wouldn't have to be so sick all the time. I can't stand seeing her in pain. She's always drugged up w/ meds but it doesnt bring any relief. i am a burden b/c she has to worry about me too, besides other crap in her life. i don't know why things happen the way they do. My mom can really crush me sometimes, but it still sucks to see her hurting. I think her mood swings are side effects from her meds.

----
You wake up to realize your only friend
Has never been yourself or anybody who cared in the end
That's when suddenly everything fades or falls away
--------

Senor Jarman is gone!! I'm so happy! I think we ran him off. poor man. oh well. i think i feel sorry for him now.

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6:04 pm
guess what? my grades dropped in 2 classes. i figured they did but now i know for sure. that jus too bad. anyway, i wanted to go to the play tonight, but i gotta finish my art project. ugh...its so time consuming. yesterday me and niki did graffiti all over a bridge by my house and we're getting much better at it. it starting to look good. we need to go buy a bigger variety of colors. you can get really dizzy spray painting for a long time. my hand was sore, but its okay now. She got hired at Cactus Cafe, so my weekends might be lonely for awhile. I'll find some sort of amusement I guess. Connections is soooo pointless. It's jus a waste of time.

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Saturday, April 20th, 2002
6:17 pm
i am a disappointment. im not trying to talk down on myself, i am saying that b/c it is a fact. it wasn't meant for me to be the way i am. i don't deserve to be alive so i feel guilty.

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Thursday, April 18th, 2002
6:03 pm
I jus found these lyrics! It's so weird. its what i was tryn to say in my last entry.

Hey all I want is what's real
Something I touch and can feel
I'll hold it close and never let it go
Said why...why do we live life
With all this hate inside
I'll give it away 'cause I don't want it no more
Please help me find a place
Somewhere far away I'll go and you'll never see me again

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5:31 pm
i've almost pushed my body to the limit. im havn fun though. school is dumb and my grades are startn to reflect that opinion. why dont i care about that stuff anymore? i dunno. whatever. i dont know what im doin this weekend. i gotta figure it out. i need to give my body a rest for a little while. i know this is "the weekend" so ill jus figure that one out later when im a better state. i feel really sad when im alone now. what is my problem?? im gonna quit questionin myself. today at school i took 3 exams and probably did bad on all of them and then i went to sleep. i dont wanna spend my life right now studying and doin stuff to make all A's b/c where is that gonna get me? I might as well have fun. If i die tonight or anytime soon i dont want my life to come to an end without relaxing and doing something for myself cuz this preparation crap isn't gettn me anyplace. i try to hard sometimes and i dont wanna work for something that wont get me anyplace. im too shy to have a real career wheni grow up, so im gonna have a very low profile job, and i dont need to make good grades for that. i wanna move FAR away from here and never talk to the people here again. its what i need.

current mood: numb

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Tuesday, April 16th, 2002
3:41 pm
Something weird happened today. i dont like people being uncomfortable when they're by me. i had an amazing weekend. i still didnt hardly sleep. i slept like 6 hours this weekend. me and niki did some graffiti and did some other stuff. it was SOOOO fun. we had to hide from the cops and it was kinda funny. we also recorded ourselves playing nirvana songs. i was on guitar and niki on drums. it sounded pretty good. i forgot what else we did cuz its a blur in my mind. but i know it was one of the best weekends i've had ever since i can remember. we raced through wal-mart too. that night was insane. we were completely gone by that time. i'll never forget the parts i can actually remember.

current mood: lethargic

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Friday, April 12th, 2002
3:11 pm
not eating makes me feel pure. i dont have an ed or anything (obviously!)...jus havn trouble keepn stuff down, and i experienced this pureness. its really a unique feeling, but it makes me dizzy and see spots. it feels so good to think im pure. i jus cant explain it. its very hard to describe it w/out sounding insane. i dunno, maybe i am.

current mood: pleased

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Thursday, April 11th, 2002
9:33 pm
*******STATS AND OPINIONS**********

NAME: Whitney
GENDER: Female
BIRTHDAY: dec. 20 1985
BIRTHPLACE: Baton Rouge, Louisiana
HOME: P-ville, Louisiana
HEIGHT: 5'6
EYES: brown
HAIR COLOR & STYLE: brownish and umm medium length
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? around 3?
ARE YOU A GOOD FRIEND? i hope so
THUNDERSTORMS: love those
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Sagittarius
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? no
PICK A SONG YOU CAN RELATE TO: Nirvana - Lithium
ARE YOU RIGHT HANDED, LEFT, OR AMBIDEXTROUS? Right
HAVE YOU EVER SAVED A YOUR CHAT CONVERSATIONS? No
ROLLERCOASTERS- DEADLY OR EXCITING? exciting

*******THE FUTURE***********

SCHOOL: Liberal arts
WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 10 YEARS? i really dont know
NUMBER OF KIDS: dont know
FUTURE SON'S NAME: Jude
FUTURE DAUGHTER: their too difficult
******HAVE YOU EVER*********

BROKEN THE LAW: yeah
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: no
CHEATED ON TEST: many time
HAD A MEDICAL EMERGENCY: somewhat
KISSED A LOVE: never loved

******DO YOU BELIEVE IN...********

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: its possible
GOD: yeah
ALIENS: um...not like the little creatures but i do think there is life somewhere besides here
GHOST: no
HOROSCOPES: no...mine are never true
HELL: yeah
YOURSELF: i dont know

******WHICH IS BETTER********

IN THE CAR... AC OR WINDOWS? a/c
PEN OR PENCIL? uniball
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? chocolate
WHICH DO YOU PREFER, COOL RANCH OR NACHO CHEESE DORITOS? none
MUD OR JELLO WRESTLING? i dont like ppl touching me, but jello is i had to pick one
COKE OR PEPSI? Pepsi
WHITE OR CHOCOLATE MILK? White
ORANGES OR APPLES? Oranges.
DEAF OR BLIND: Deaf
ADIDA, NIKE, OR REEBOK: i guess adidas
BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? doesnt matter
TALL OR SHORT: Tall
TV OR RADIO: tv

*******WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU**********

CRIED: few weeks ago

GOT A REAL LETTER: yesterday

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSEPAD? Cox
WHAT IS THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD? freedom
WHAT IS THE WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: rejection
WHAT KIND OF SHOE WOULD YOU BE? vans
WHATS UNDER YOUR BED: got a waterbed...so nothin
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER: 64
WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR? black bmw
FAVORITE RADIO STATIONS: dont like the radio
BEST FRIENDS: arabella and niki

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Wednesday, April 10th, 2002
7:56 pm
im almost to drained to function. i need to go to bed early tonight. i used to be sleeping at 7:00pm last year. I don't know how I did that. The Osbournes and the Real World was good last night. It was funny when Ozzy was chasin his cat w/ his leg broken. niki came over for a little while and we watched my nirvana unseen tape then i went to bring my boooks back to the library. after i did that me and niki went out for coffee. it was really good. we had fun. i have some more studying to do, cuz i wasnt paying attention in class. i was too tired to concentrate. i can't focus on one thing for too loong when im tired. i become a complete zombie. oh well...its okay. there is like a shopping cart button oon my keyboard. how odd. should i press it? ok...it brings up the favorites folder. neat-o. im goin do hmwk. someone is outside of my house w/ realllllly loud music...dont know who it is

current mood: drained

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Tuesday, April 9th, 2002
3:45 pm - I've got this friend you see who makes me feel
The artist is a rare and sensitive type of thinker. His awareness is more intense than that which others experience. That he feels more than others becomes both his bliss and burden. He sees connections between things that others treat as disparate. He has an urge to express what he sees to others, as it seems to him at least a partial solution to the ignorance that dominates society.

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